


The summer

by pckdrg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-13 15:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21159020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pckdrg/pseuds/pckdrg
Summary: Remus and Sirius exchange some letters and meet up with James during the summer. Both getting drunk leads to confessing that they like each other. Mild smut.





	The summer

_Moony,_

_I hope you’re feeling better again. I have spent the whole night worrying because of the full moon, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. My parents have switched tactics and now completely ignore me (no complaints) but also lock my door, so I couldn’t leave._  
_ I have ended things with Mary. She was becoming quite annoying, to be honest. She kept asking me to spend time with her this summer, but I’d much rather spend it with you. Also, she doesn’t know about my parents and I didn’t really want to explain that all. I hope it’s not rude to end things in a letter. Then again, I don’t know shit about girls._  
_ I hope you don’t die from boredom in Wales, don’t read too many books. Go outside and buy me some chocolate, and also get a bar for yourself._  
_ You always get your accent back a little bit after you’ve spend the summer at home, did I ever tell you? I quite like it. Especially the Welsh swearwords when you tell me off._  
_ I hope I’ll see you soon at James’, I can’t wait for the Marauders to reunite._

He hesitated, holding the quill still at the same place on the parchment - the ink was making a spot. He sighed nervously and ended the letter.

_Love, Sirius_

——————————

_Sirius,_

_I hope you are not dying of boredom in there, instead of me. At least I have my books. You could pick one up you know, open it and read some pages.._  
_ In all seriousness (I know you’re grinning), write to me when things get rough with your parents. Technically, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it, but at least it’ll feel like I’ve done my best with listening to you in your letter._  
_ I’m sorry to hear about Mary and you. I knew she liked you very much._

Remus scratched his chin. What was he supposed to write else on the subject? “Thank Merlin, now I don’t have to suffer through seeing you two together? Maybe I’ll have the tiniest chance with you now?” He sighed. It would be so easy to write all of this down and send the letter and then hide in his room for the rest of the summer. At least Sirius knew then. But he’d had to face him one more year at school. It was simply no option. And a coward move, Remus thought bitterly.

_I don’t know shit about girls either, so I can’t really help you with that mate. Maybe next time choose someone that you do.. understand, or don’t find annoying to spend time with (seems like a foundation of a relationship, to be honest)._  
_ I bought you your chocolate, you’ll get it when we meet at James’ (if I haven’t already eaten it). I’ll also try to learn some new Welsh swearwords for you._

He almost wrote it. The word was on the edge of his tongue, but he knew Sirius did not mean it in the same way Remus did. He knew Sirius loved him like he loved James, as a best friend. But not in a romantic way. His heart hurt after he got his hopes up for one fraction when he read that part of the letter, but then he sank down in his chair because he knew it would never happen.

_I’ll see you soon,_  
_ Remus_

——————————

_Nice try, Moony. Reading a book during the summer, what do you think I am, a dork like you? I’d rather die of boredom instead._  
_ I promise I’ll write to you when my parents decide to go psycho mode. I think they’ll stick to ignoring me though, since it’s best for both parties. I’m quite relieved actually, I expected it to be worse. I’m very happy I’ll see you at James’ tomorrow, though. Don’t forget the chocolate._

He dwelled on the Mary bit. He could hear Remus’ Prefect Voice saying the words.. “seems like a foundation of a relationship”. Truth is, Sirius had never ever met a girl he had that sort of foundation with, let alone wanted one with them. It was all fun and games to spend an afternoon with them and kiss, but then Sirius got enough of them and left - to spend time with James or Remus. The only relationships he had with a solid foundation were those two. James, who was his brother in every way except blood. And Remus, who was.. his Moony.

He sighed and rubbed his hands in his face. He was thrilled to see his friends again tomorrow, but he knew James was going to tease him mercilessly. He seemed to have gotten the idea that the reason Sirius doesn’t date someone longer than two weeks is because he would actually rather date Remus. I mean, in every way except physical, you’re pretty much already dating, right? James had said. And shut up here in his room, Sirius had quite some unresolved time that he had spent thinking about it all. He had told Mary that is was over. He had written Remus immediately after that. He had tried to ignore the excitement in his body when Remus had answered, even though the letter was a bit of chit chat. He was desperate for contact with him, whereas he threw Mary’s response aside, not even bothering to read it.

He groaned and fell down on his bed. God, he had to restrain himself tomorrow from not staring at Remus too long when he was biting his lip, or ruffling his hair too much (because even though he thought he himself had majestic hair, Remus had just the softest hair ever), not flirt with him too much because he knew it made Remus feel uncomfortable but Sirius could not help it because the things he said had always been partly true apparently and he loved to see Remus flushed because it looked beautiful on him.

_I have not opened Mary’s response but I think she’ll be saying something along the lines of what you babbled about a foundation of a relationship. And probably also a few swearwords. But they’re not Welsh, so I don’t really care._  
_ For now, enjoy the rest of your quiet evening, because tomorrow you’ll have to deal with James and me again._

Channeling his inner Gryffindor, he decided for a different tactic. He had to be more direct.

_I missed you._  
_ Sirius_

——————————

_At the Potters_

Euphemia Potter was making eggs and bacon when James walked into the living room, glasses askew, hair uncontrolled and yawning widely.

“You look an absolute mess”, she said while putting out the stove.

“So they say as well. I’m sure they won’t mind after all these years.” James grinned and flung himself down the couch.

There was a knock, which James knew could only be made by Remus. It was just once, a polite and soft one. Sirius would knock multiple times, inconsistent and loud.

James opened the door and gave Remus a big hug, who smiled widely. “Moony! So happy you came”, James said, while patting him on the back. He seemed to have grown even more during this summer.

James whistled. “Pads is gonna look like a child next to you if you keep growing like that.”

Remus put his bag on the ground. “He will always be a child inside, doesn’t really matter how tall or small he is. Oh hello Mrs. Potter”, he said politely and shook her hand.

“Charlus is in town getting groceries, but he told me to say he’s thrilled to have you boys together for the remainder of the holidays”, she said.

“I hope he won’t regret it after spending those days with the combination of those two”, Remus whispered while jerking his head at James.

“I heard that, Remus Lupin. You don’t fool my mother with that innocent, nonchalant look you dig because she knows you’re just as bad as we are.”

Euphemia laughed and went back into the kitchen. “I wouldn’t call it bad, just.. immature.”

“Evans says that the same thing”, James said.

Remus nodded. “You better throw out every single thing you want to say about her because you know Sirius hates it when you do it around him.”

As on cue, someone was bonking quite hard against the door. “OPEN UP PRONGS!” He shouted.

“For someone so small, he makes a lot of noise”, James mumbled. He opened the door and smiled at Sirius. “Excuse me, may I help you?”

Sirius just launched himself at James and fell on top of him on the floor, punching his arm. James laughed and put his glasses back on, whom had fallen on the ground. Sirius looked up between a curtain of his hair, which was almost past his shoulders now, and looked startled, as if he hadn’t realised Remus was there already.

“Moony!” He quickly jumped up and wiped the dust of his jacket. They walked towards each other almost greedily, but stopped at the last second. Remus was tilting on his feet and Sirius was biting his lip. Then Remus’ face broke into a wide smile and he held up his arms. Sirius jumped at the invitation and Remus had to steady himself from not falling over like James had done. He looked at James they both nodded. Every year, when Sirius came back from his parents, he was extra clingy and desperate for physical contact because he received none at his home. Remus felt guilty for enjoying it so much, when actually he should be feeling sorry for Sirius.

He ruffled Sirius’ hair. “It’s getting quite long, don’t you think?”

Sirius took a strand of hair between his fingers. “Don’t you like it? Maybe I could cut it and -”

“No!” Remus said far too loud. He swallowed when he saw Sirius raising an eyebrow. “No”, he repeated, voice more level now. “It’s fine. It looks good like this. But if you want to cut it that’s fine too. I mean, just fine.” He damned himself for being so incoherent and awkward about it and shot James a furtive look when he saw him smirking at him.

He cleared his throat. “So, let’s have breakfast, I’m starving”, and went into the kitchen, turning away from Sirius.

James clapped Sirius on the shoulder. “Well, I’m glad these days aren’t going to be awkward and full of tension between you two”, he grinned.

Sirius huffed and followed Remus. He wasn’t ready yet for James’ observations. He could be so dense and oblivious when it came to literally anything else, including his own love life, but leave it to James Potter to figure everything out about Remus and Sirius.

Breakfast was relaxed, they were eating their eggs and bacon in the garden while both boys answered Euphemia’s questions. Sirius left out quite some information about his parents and just acted as if his vacation had been really boring until now. Remus was watching him, how well he had been trained by his parents in acting properly and lying as if he had never told the truth. There wasn’t a trace of insecurity on his face. Sirius met his eyes and smiled at him. Remus cast his eyes downward, feeling dazzled. He tried to convince himself that it was just because he looked into the radiance of the sun.

“I was thinking, maybe we could go for a swim today? There’s a lake we have never been to before”, James offered, while they were unpacking their bags in the guest room. Remus knew the Potters were rich, but the first time he had been baffled by the fact that they had very expensive furniture and even a guest room. He had grown accustomed to it now, since James’ parents were such nice people and didn’t gloat on the fact that they had so much money. Sirius wasn’t surprised at all, he had grown up around wealth even more than James. The Blacks were such in their own bubble that when they met Sirius in their first year, he thought every person lived like that. He didn’t know better.

Remus nodded absently and took out his swimming trunks. Sirius fiddled with his bag, visibly uncomfortable for a second, but then regained his posture and took out his towel and threw it over his shoulder, whipping his hair dramatically in the process.

James laughed and shook his head. “God, during the summer I always forget your antics.”

Sirius grinned. “You did miss me, though”, he said nonchalantly.

“That I did, brother.”

James kept making teasing remarks about Sirius just laying on a towel, presumably tanning, afraid to get his hair wet. Sirius waved his hand at him but ignored him. James and Remus spent a good amount of time swimming, it immediately had a cooling effect on their skin that had been exposed to the sun all day.

Eventually, Remus got out of the water. Remus knew James absolutely loved swimming - he loved any sport really - so he didn’t bother asking him going out of the water with him. He sat down next to Sirius, who was laying very relaxed with his eyes closed, one arm under his head. Remus shook his head so drops of water flew everywhere.

“And they say I’m the dog”, Sirius grinned, while holding his hand up against the sun to look at Remus properly. His eyes travelled to his exposed chest, where countless scars (well, countless... Sirius had probably counted them all) were sprawled out.

Remus laughed and scratched his chin. He leaned back on his hands and looked over at Sirius. “Don’t you like swimming?”

Sirius looked at him and tried to form an answer, but it didn’t really work because Remus was hovering over him, far closer than usual. Sirius’ eyes went from the wet hair plastered against his forehead, which was already drying in the heat of the sun, to the freckles on his nose Sirius was now able to see better, to his lips, which were still wet from the water.

Sirius bit his lip. “Not really, no.” He looked at James, who was jumping up and down in the water, making dives and splashing water at no one in particular.

Remus followed his gaze and sniggered. “I must admit that being James is the other opposite. Then again, you two have always been opposites.”

Suddenly he sniggered. “Or is the actual reason that it gets your hair wet?”

Sirius gasped. “I knew it! You don’t take the love for my hair seriously as well! First James, now you. Betrayal. I have no other words.” He turned on his side, his back facing Remus. It was partly because he felt a bit light in the head because of Remus’ appearance.

His back was facing Remus now, and he could see every long line that were scars that travelled all over his back. Remus had seen them briefly before, while Sirius was changing a shirt, but never like this, never this close when he was actually looking. The scars were different than his own, far thinner but longer, and they had a red tint to them, as if they were from a whip. He didn’t need to ask where Sirius got those scars. He also noticed that Sirius had quite nice shoulders - broad, but not too stocky.

“Do they still hurt?” He asked tentatively.

He saw Sirius’ breathing stop, his shoulders tensing up. He didn’t reply for a minute but then there was a quiet voice that was really unlike Sirius’.

“Do yours still hurt?”

Remus shook his head, but then remembered Sirius couldn’t see that so he answered. “No, never. I still don’t touch them, though.”

“Never?”

“No. Do you?”

“I have never let anyone touch my scars. Or even shown them.”

Remus swallowed. This felt far too intimate, yet Sirius - the boy who never let anybody see that he had emotions - was literally exposing himself to Remus in the most vulnerable way.

Remus breathed in deeply, and leaned forward. He softly put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder and started tracing one of the scars down his back. He felt Sirius shudder, but he didn’t turn away. First, Sirius just held his breath, but then exhaled slowly and Remus felt his body relax under his touch. Sirius closed his eyes to focus on his breathing. When his mother had given him those scars, it had been to correct him because she wanted the best for her family - because she loved her family, she had said. But the touches she made had never been out of love. Not when he felt Remus now, slowly stroking his back, almost healing every scar he had lined out there whenever he brushed against them with his fingers. Even though Remus’ fingers were soft it felt like static electricity. Remus noted that Sirius’ scars definitely felt different than his, but in a way that he couldn’t stop touching them.

He felt Sirius lean into the touch, and actually shuffling closer. Remus’ hand wandered upwards and gently pulled a few strings of hair out of Sirius’ neck.

“I never even took my shirt off with Mary, you know”, Sirius said quietly.

Remus almost groaned. He could have chosen any moment to talk about Mary, but not right now while Remus had gathered all his courage to do this. Then, the words sunk in and realized it was actually a compliment.

He stopped for a second, but kept his hand on the same place on his back. “You didn’t? Did you think she wouldn’t like you anymore if she saw them?”

Sirius turned around, now facing Remus, who hastily took his hand back. He wondered if he had crossed a line. Then Sirius shook his head and slowly, but surely put his hand through Remus’ hair, to get it out of his face.

Remus held his breath. He didn’t have a clue what was going on.

“I don’t really care about scars, I mean, everyone has them, only we have them visible on the outside. Well, apart from James maybe, he is an unharmed little rabbit.” They both turned their heads to look at James, who was jumping in the water and splashing it everywhere, trying to see how high he could launch himself. Remus laughed and shook his head.

“But I didn’t want her to see that side of me, because I don’t want to talk about it with people that don’t mean anything to me. You and James know, and that’s enough. People have this image of me and if I would tell them about my parents and my.. home situation they would think differently of me and I’m not sure I can handle that, you know.”

Remus sighed. “I’m sure you already know, but James and I don’t think differently of you, whatever may happen to you or has happened to you, Padfoot”, he said and smiled slightly at him.

Sirius nodded. “I know, that’s exactly why I told you and not Mary.”

Remus felt that the conversation was sort of over, but didn’t want to stop this - whatever this was. The sun was shining on him and he was sure he was going to get sunburnt, but it were Sirius’ words that made him feel warm inside.

Suddenly Sirius sat up, his face close to Remus. Remus saw him chew on the inside of his cheek, which he always did when he was contemplating his words - something Sirius rarely did.

“I like them. Your scars.”

Remus huffed. “You don’t have to make me feel better, Pads. I know they’re not nice to look at.”

“I think they’re nice. I like looking at them, actually.” Then Sirius’ eyes widened, as if he hadn’t meant to say the next part.  
Remus just stared at him. He tried to form words, but none came.

He saw Sirius’ eyes roam over his chest, where most of the scars were. “Will you let me touch them some time, too?” He asked quietly.

Remus’ heart sped up and inwardly panicked of the thought of anyone touching them, but it was Sirius - so he nodded.

They heard footsteps and James walked up to them. His hair was wet and hung as a curtain around his head. He shook it and drops of water flew around.

“What’s up with you?” He asked Sirius, putting on his glasses again.

Sirius contemplated for a second. “I don’t know how to swim”, he said at last.

James’ eyes widened and Remus felt a pang in his heart for Sirius that was never allowed to have actual fun as a child.

“My parents thought it was beneath us and that I wouldn’t ever need it”, Sirius continued, feeling the need to explain himself.

James bit his lip. Remus knew how much James held back about Sirius’ parents, how much he actually wanted to damn Walburga and Orion Black into hell.

“Well”, Remus offered, patting Sirius on his shoulder, “Padfoot probably knows how to swim, since he’s a dog.”

Sirius’ eyes lit up and in his excitement he kissed Remus on the cheek. “You’re a genius, Moony!” He shouted while he ran off and transformed.

James didn’t comment on Sirius’ display of affection, but Remus could see him suppressing a smirk.

Remus felt his cheeks redden and quickly sprang up. “Let’s make sure he doesn’t drown”, he mumbled.

It turned out Padfoot indeed knew how to swim. Remus and James laughed as Sirius attacked them under water and jumped in the air to catch sticks they threw, and Remus promised himself that he would learn Sirius to swim because he had never seen Padfoot so happy.

At night, they were sitting in the garden with Firewhiskey they knicked out of the Potter’s cellar. I mean, if they didn’t want us to have it they should have locked the door right? James had said. Remus was far too drunk to argue with that logic.

“Let’s make things interesting!” Sirius exclaimed dramatically, while flinging his hair backwards. “Truth or dare.”

Remus snorted. “We’re not twelve anymore, Sirius.”

“All right, only truths then.”

“I’m way too drunk to do any dares you come up with, anyway”, James laughed.

“We already know everything there is to know about each other”, Remus mumbled.

Sirius eyed him. “We’re about to find out.”

“In that case, you’re going down first”, James said while taking a shot of the bottle. He spoke in his dramatic voice, the same one he used when he announced a new prank. “In light of recent discoveries that you never learned how to swim, what activities were you expected to learn?”

Sirius raised his eyebrows nonchalantly. “Ballroom dancing and ballet.”

Remus’ eyebrows nearly went off his forehead. “In a ballet outfit and all?”

Sirius nodded and took a sip of the bottle.

“Well, show us!” James laughed.

“I’ll need to be far more drunk to show you some ballet moves, Potter.”

James rolled his eyes. “Right. Moony’s next.”

Before he could ask anything, Sirius spoke. “So what really happened at James’ birthday party last year, Remus?” He asked slyly.

Remus swallowed. He felt his face get hot, but not of embarrassment, only nerves. Maybe this was the right moment to tell them. He hadn’t been meaning to keep secrets from them, but they were all so drunk that night that Remus thought they hadn’t seen him stumble back into the common room and up to the dormitory with hickeys in his neck. But apparently Sirius had noticed. He also remember Sirius being quite distant with him the day after, which Remus blamed on the hangover.

“I was in a broom cupboard with Benjy.”

The silence that followed was antagonizing but Remus knew - hoped - they wouldn’t hate him, they didn’t abandon him when they had discovered about his furry little problem after all.

James cleared his throat, even though it got more raspy by the minute. “Well, good for you, mate. Benjy’s a great guy.”

Remus just nodded, but relief washed over him.

“So did you guys date or anything? Or was it just once?”

Remus shook his head. “Just that one time. I was drunk, he was drunk.. But nothing’s been awkward between us thankfully.”

James turned to Sirius. “Pads?”

Sirius visibly shook himself awake from a sort of trance he had been in, staring at Remus with wide eyes.

“Oh I - I’m sorry, it’s fine, of course - no problem”, he stumbled.

James grinned. “I mean my heart is already sold to Evans, but if Benjy pulled me into a broom cupboard I wouldn’t say no either..”

Remus laughed because he knew James was trying to make him feel better but not in a pitying way, James never pitied people. He was always genuine and tonight was no different. Sirius’s brows furrowed as the boys laughed. His voice was a bit colder than usual when he spoke. “Sure, Benjy’s okay-looking, but there are far more handsome guys at Hogwarts and-“

“You’ve been checking them all out, have you Pads?” James teased.

Sirius huffed and stood up. “I’m going to bed”, he announced.

Remus stood up too, swaying slightly. “Me too, I’m knackered.” He turned to James. “You coming?”

James nodded and tried to stand up, but clumsily fell down. Eventually they half-carried him back to the house again, his arms slung around the other boys.

“Merlin, he’s drunk”, Sirius groaned before pulling James up and getting him inside the house. Remus pulled on his other arm and together they silently helped him up the stairs.

“We’re not going to be able to sleep tonight Moony, because Prongs is drunk so he’ll snore like a maniac as usual”, Sirius whispered.

“Not to worry!” James said far too loud. He untangled himself and stumbled to his own room. “You can take the guest room and I’ll sleep in my own room so you guys can actually sleep. ”

He opened the door and grinned. “That is, if you guys are silent tonight.”

Sirius ignored him and walked past Remus, who bit his lip.

Normally, they would all sleep in the same room because they moved one bed to the other room. Sirius and James would share a bed, because they both kicked in their sleep. Remus would happily sleep on his own, because he liked to have his space and also because it made him feel nervous laying next to Sirius.

But tonight he had to face his nerves, apparently. He was glad James was snoring in the other room, but laying so close to Sirius in his boxers only would be torture.

He sighed and followed Sirius into the room. The other boy was already shrugging of his clothes, not looking at Remus. Remus followed his actions and started undressing himself. Sirius climbed into the bed and laid down facing the wall, with his back to Remus like he had done at the lake. But now it felt the opposite of intimate, it was clear that Sirius didn’t want to look at him.

So Remus got into bed slowly, putting an arm under his head and laying down on his back. His heart immediately started beating faster when he accidentally brushed against Sirius’ leg. He closed his eyes in frustration. Drunk or not, this was going to be a long night, he thought.

He turned on his side, facing Sirius’ back. Even in the darkness, he could see the scars he had been caressing earlier. He repressed the urge to do it again.

Remus spoke up. “Are you angry with me, for telling about.. You know.” He left the question open, didn’t want to name the word that they would now associate with him. It still made him feel uncomfortable. It was another label, and since he already carried the label werewolf, he wasn’t sure he could bear gay as well.

Instantly, Sirius turned towards him and faced him. The bed was rather small, not made for two grown boys, so their faces were really close.

Sirius said nothing, but just looked into Remus’ eyes. His eyes flicked from Remus’ right eye to his left and vice versa, because their noses were almost touching. Remus breathed out sharply.

“Of course not, Moony - no. I’m so sorry, I.” He seemed lost for words. “I was just surprised.”

“So you’re okay with it?”

He nodded solemnly. “You’re my best friend. You’re still you, whether you snog guys or not. Or when you turn into a wolf once a month. Hell, I wouldn’t even care if you turned into a mermaid once a month. You’ll always be Remus.”

Remus relaxed. “Thank you.”

Sirius bit his lip. “So how was it?”

“What?”

“Kissing a guy. Must be different from a girl”, Sirius whispered, but Remus could hear the curiosity in his voice.

Remus shifted his head on the pillow. “Eh, it’s quite different. Guys are less.. soft than girls, I guess. But I prefer it, to be honest.”

Sirius raised his arm and pushed a few strands of hair out of Remus’ face, but kept his hand there. Slowly, his thumb moved down, hand cupping his face until he reached his cheek. He softly stroked the scar on Remus’ nose, which was hidden beneath the few freckles Remus had. Sirius was astonished he hadn’t noticed those before.

Sirius licked his lips quickly. “You said you’d let me touch them too”, he whispered.

Remus closed his eyes and nodded slowly.

So Sirius started trailing down his neck, softly touching a rather big scar. He wondered if this was the place that Greyback had bitten Remus all those years ago. The boys never asked about that night since it made Remus visibly uncomfortable. But Sirius was dying to know.

He raised his eyes at Remus. “Is this…?” He let the question hanging in the air, because he never wanted to mention the name Greyback ever again. He wasn’t worth leaving anyone’s lips.

Remus slowly shook his head. He lifted his hip and pointed at a scar that was just as big, but broader.

Sirius just nodded and continued tracing the scars. He was mesmerized by them, but he wasn’t sure whether it was in a positive or negative way. Every time he touched one of Remus’ scars he felt a small electric shock going through his body and he was sure Remus felt it too. He was trying to hide it but Sirius knew all of Remus’ features, knew all the displays on his face, he had seen Remus professionally keep posture while his arm was literally broken after a full moon. So Sirius knew that right now, Remus was trying his very best to act as if this didn’t affect him.

Eventually, Sirius reached the scar Greyback had given him. So this was the first scar Remus ever had, he thought. He felt his heart break for 4-year old Remus Lupin, asleep in bed, unknowing what man was waiting for him outside. Before he could stop himself - the alcohol was still prominently in his body - he bent down over Remus’ chest and planted a soft kiss on the scar.

He heard Remus’ gasp and felt his body tense beneath him. “It’s alright, Rey. It’s just me”, Sirius whispered.

“I.. I’d rather-” Remus started. Sirius looked into his eyes. “I’d rather lay on my stomach, you know, maybe it’s better if I don’t see you.. Doing it.”

Sirius nodded, seeing now how uncomfortable Remus was. “I’m just a bit tense, it’s not you, Padfoot”, Remus added, while turning his body.

“I understand, you don’t have to apologize”, Sirius smiled. “Just want to make you feel good.”

When Remus was turned over, Sirius saw how tense the muscles in his neck and shoulders were. He also noticed how nice Remus’ shoulders were. He was no longer a lanky boy, but a full grown man with muscled shoulders. It made Sirius’ lose his breath. He sat up and moved so he was straddling Remus and put both his hands on his shoulders, adding a little pressure.

“Are you hurt right now? It’s only a few days before the full moon”, Sirius said, frowning.

“How come you always know exactly when the full moon is?” Remus’ muffled voice said.

Sirius tried to repress the pride he felt bubbling up when he heard Remus’ impressed voice. “I just keep track, Moony”, he replied casually.

Remus snorted. “I know that. But why though?”

“I want to know when I need to take care of you.”

Remus remained silent. Sirius took that as a sign to keep going, because Remus hadn’t explicitly said that he wasn’t hurting, so for Remus that meant: yes, it hurts but I don’t want to admit that.

“Relax, Rey”, he said, while lifting one hand of his shoulder and slowly pushing Remus’ head in the pillow so his neck could relax. Remus breathed out deeply and Sirius felt Remus’ body ease up under him entirely.

He slowly started putting pressure on Remus’ neck and shoulders, massaging out the knots that were present in his muscles because of the upcoming moon. He felt Remus loosen up more and more.

Silence passed between them until Remus spoke.

“Are you still drunk?”

Sirius stopped moving for a second. “Do I act like I’m drunk?”

“No. You never seem drunk, actually.”

Sirius huffed at that statement.

“So you would do this sober?” Remus continued.

Sirius swallowed and bit his lip. “If you would ask me to, yes.”

Remus didn’t answer him, but just exhaled deeply.

Sirius smiled. “So do you like it?”

Remus’ muffled voice muttered something. Sirius wasn’t sure he had caught it but it sounded like you don’t want to know.

Sirius felt his face grow hot. He licked his lips. “What else do you like?”

Sirius bent over, unconsciously pushing his body down onto Remus’. He leaned his weight on Remus’ shoulders and breathed in his neck softly, massaging Remus’ back. “Do you like this?”

Remus just groaned in reply, leaning into the touch as far as that was possible. He turned his neck so it was more exposed. Sirius put his nose in Remus’ neck and sniffed, and Remus couldn’t help himself - he laughed.

“What?” Sirius grinned, but the insecurity in his voice was noticeable.

“You are such a dog.” Remus was still laughing.

Sirius grinned at him. Remus couldn’t see him, but he was sure Sirius was smirking. Then he felt something wet across his neck and he immediately turned his neck in surprise. Apparently Sirius had licked him.

“What are you doing?!”

Sirius laughed at him. “You don’t fool me, you like it when I act like a dog.”

“I’m not so sure, getting your wet face in my neck without warning was not something I was looking forward to.”

“So you don’t like this?” Sirius asked while trailing his mouth over Remus’ back, not kissing him or licking him like before, but just his lips grazing over the length of Remus’ back. He felt Remus’ shiver under him.

Remus started breathing faster and almost moaning at the touch, so Sirius took it as a good sign and made a bold move - he could always blame it on the alcohol, even though his head felt very clear and focused. He put his mouth on a scar and applied more pressure before licking it. He felt a warm feeling spread through his body to his legs and pushed Remus into the mattress. He couldn’t fool himself anymore and just accepted that he was in fact very, very turned on and he was sure Remus could feel it. Like, could actually feel Sirius getting hard and pushing his body onto him. Maybe that was why Remus was now lying still, not moving an inch. Maybe he was disgusted by Sirius, and would be pushing him off the bed any second now. Sirius felt anxiety welling up in his stomach.

But then Remus mumbled something. “Keep going, please”, he said. It almost sounded pleading.

So Sirius bent down again and started kissing and licking every scar he found on Remus’ back. It sent his insides on fire and he couldn’t think he was ever going to stop.

When he reached Remus’ neck again, he waited a few seconds, as if for permission. His neck was very close to his face, so it felt way more intimate. But Remus exposed his neck and Sirius started trailing down kisses on it, sucking on the sensitive skin behind his ear.

“Fuck - that feels good”, Remus breathed. Sirius felt Remus push his hips into the mattress, which turned Sirius on even more. It almost made him feel high, knowing that he was making Remus squirm like this.

“It does”, Sirius whispered.

He continued kissing his neck, feeling his own face grow hot, and before he knew it he bit down. Remus gasped but also tried to hold back a moan.

“I want to see you”, Sirius whispered in his ear. He heard Remus swallow. He was expecting Remus to refuse, but he felt the other boy move so he got off him. Remus turned on his back and looked at Sirius expectantly, his cheeks flushed. The bite mark in his neck was still visible and Sirius breathed out sharply.

He moved over and straddled Remus again, but this time he was very much aware of their erections brushing against each other. He felt relief wash over him when he felt that Remus was just as aroused as he was.

Sirius started to lean forward, but Remus surprised him by putting one hand in his hair and pulling him towards him. Sirius’ mouth ended on his collarbone, since Sirius was shorter than him. He quickly started kissing Remus’ skin and pushing his hips down. When their erections brushed against each other again, Sirius couldn’t hold back a moan. He closed his eyes. All of it felt so good. He looked up, opening his eyes a little, and saw that Remus had his eyes closed as well.

Sirius continued kissing Remus’ chest, who still had his hand in Sirius’ hair. Sirius felt him applying some pressure and actually pushing him down to his hips. Sirius licked his lips and started kissing the big scar, the one that Greyback had given Remus. The one that had turned him into a werewolf. He wanted the scar to bruise, to show Remus that even though Sirius had teeth, he chose to kiss instead. To show him that he loved him because of his scars, not despite them.

Remus moaned and arched into the touch, his hand pulling harder on Sirius’ hair, which turned Sirius on even more.

“You know”, he started, between the kisses, “I have never felt so happy in my life.”

Remus looked over at Sirius, who was staring at him, still lightly touching the scar. Remus’ eyes were so sincere that it almost made Sirius uncomfortable, but he kept staring back.

Eventually, Remus spoke. “This is the happiest I’ve been in my life.”

Sirius’ eyes glowed. “I never knew, you know.”

Remus huffed. “What, that I fancied blokes?”

Sirius cocked his head. “For starters. Or that you rather fancy me. And that you like people sucking on your scars. Or that you like to pull on my hair.”

Remus flushed and Sirius had seen Remus blush a million times but this time it was different, this time it was actually him that had made him blush and he felt his insides squirm.

“You never told me either”, Remus said accusingly. “You were still with Mary before the summer.”

The name seemed to sparkle something in Sirius, but as if from another life, a distant feeling he couldn’t fathom. It made him feel uneasy to think about it, the way he didn’t like how she touched him, how she always wanted his attention, how she didn’t understand him, how she was always disappointed when he wasn’t as much into kissing as she was.. It had made him feel guilty all the time and he constantly felt as if she was a burden. But he continued it, because he didn’t know what else to do. He had done what he had been raised to do, and just assumed that every relationship would be as uncomfortable as this, just as many Black family traditions were. He never knew it could feel this good to love someone, to be with someone.

He swallowed. “It was a mistake. I didn’t know.”

“Wait, you didn’t know you were gay before.. Right now? What do you mean?” Remus said, visibly confused.

Sirius tensed. He had said the word. “I.. I don’t know. I have never looked at blokes and.. thought they looked good or anything. Or I wasn’t aware, I don’t know.” He sighed deeply and rested his head on Remus’ stomach. “I always liked looking at you, though. I always thought it was just because I appreciate you, you know? Like I appreciate James. But I never once looked at James like that. I never felt the protectiveness over James that I feel over you. I care about you in a different way. I know what it is now.”

Remus stroked his hair. “I kinda figured, since you were really jealous about Benjy.”

Sirius’ face turned grumpy, even though he tried to hide it. “I don’t care about him. Or what you two have done. Benjy’s just.. I don’t know, a boring, plain kind of guy. He always goes to class and likes reading and stuff.”

Remus grinned. “Just like me then.”

Sirius sat up suddenly and crawled towards Remus. He took his face between his hands and stared at him. “You are anything but boring or plain. The moment I met you in the train you were the most interesting and mysterious person I knew. I instantly wanted to know more about you, get to know the person that was behind the facade you were holding up against us. You are like a cake with multiple layers and every time you get to another layer it’s taken a long time but it’s so worth the wait.”

Remus felt his heart seize up. He just started into those grey eyes and figured he wasn’t ever going to stop looking at them.

Sirius licked his lips. “Could you show me? What it’s like to kiss a guy?” His heart was beating fast.

Remus’ pupils widened but then he sat up and kissed Sirius.

The kiss was taking the air out of his lungs, but he couldn’t get enough of it. Remus’ lips were exactly as he imagined them, when he had been staring at them during class. How stupid he had been, kissing with girls and not liking it in any way, when he could have been kissing Remus Lupin instead all this time.

Eventually, he stopped to catch his breath. It felt like he had run a few miles. He saw that Remus was as equally flushed and breathing as heavily as he was.

“So, is this what you did with Benjy?” Sirius asked.

Remus raised his eyebrows. “A minute ago you said you didn’t care about him.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Just hypothetically.”

Remus laughed and flipped them. “You’re cute when you’re jealous”, he said, his hand wandering lower and lower on Sirius’ body.

“I’m not-” Sirius started but he groaned when Remus took him in his hand. “Fuck- oh Merlin”, he panted.

“This is not what I did with him. I have.. Never done that with anybody.” Remus sounded insecure, slowing down his tempo.

“Neither have I”, Sirius whispered.

Remus nodded, as if he didn’t already know that, but hearing the words calmed him. There would be no pressure, and besides, it was Sirius. Sirius had always accepted him and never judged him. But he still felt so vulnerable.

Sirius seemed to have spotted it in Remus’ eyes and ruffled his hair. “It feels amazing, Rey, you don’t need to worry. I liked it better when your eyes were all dark green like before.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Dark green?”

Sirius shrugged. “Yeah, your eyes get darker when the full moon approaches, and they’re almost blue the first few days afterwards. But when your eyes are dark green like that, I don’t know.. It makes me feel weird in different ways. When you look at me like that you can see right through me. And when you look at me like that I want you to-” He suddenly blushed, not finishing the sentence.

Remus had never seen Sirius blush so many times and it made him feel reckless, insecure and warm, all at the same time and he felt like his head might explode from everything that had happened. So he bent down and started to suck on Sirius.

Sirius threw his head backwards and groaned. He hadn’t expected Remus to do this already and he certainly hadn’t expected it to feel this good.

He felt that he was already close, far too close and he wanted to make Remus feel good too. So he tapped him on his shoulder, so Remus looked up questionably. He pulled him towards him, into his lap and took them both into his hands. He saw recognition in Remus’ eyes, and the latter started to stroke Sirius after pushing his hand away. It didn’t take long, they were both incredibly turned on and half a minute later they were both coming into each other’s hands. Sirius put his face into the crook of Remus’ neck and bit down to keep himself from moaning really loud.

They stayed like that for some time, panting heavily. Then Sirius cleaned everything wandlessly, and took Remus’ face in his hands. He smiled broadly and kissed him again, deeply. He didn’t notice that he was slowly falling backwards on the bed - his body felt far more drunk than he had been before, when they had been drinking.

Remus laid down on his chest and gave him a few kisses there. Both the boys didn’t say anything, not because it was awkward, but because there were no words necessary, and also because they were both exhausted. So moments later they both drifted off to sleep, their bodies tangled in the small bed.


End file.
